Compulsions

I blog more often on http://www.kyuzogym.com/news now, and only put something down here when it’s not suitable for that site.

I am trying to relax.

It is not working.

I reached the end of 2022 highly stressed. It took a physical and mental toll. I had a busy and stressful year. I didn’t take a holiday. My Dad passed away in the latter part of the year, I just went back to work and buried myself in that. I took 8 days off at Christmas. I liked it, but it was also hell, feeling antsy but trying to resist the urge to go running or lifting or grappling.

After Christmas, I went back to training, and 5 days later something happened my finger. I just had it treated and it turns out it was broken from a few weeks back, and I’ve some tendon issues that need some attention. Ordinarily I would just tape it and keep training, and I still might do that, but I’ve been told it needs 2 weeks rest and strapping. So I can’t train. Very important that I don’t train. If the tendon snaps, you’re into surgery and not casts and injections.

Covid did a number on everyone, but one of the things it made me realise is that I’m compelled to exercise. I need to lift, pull up, push up, row, and more than anything, grapple. Over successive lockdowns I did back garden bodybuilding, a month of daily 100 push ups, tens of thousands of metres on the concept 2 rower, 5k runs, park workouts, and then when I had solo access to my gym, I put on 8kgs of size by lifting 6 days a week. Once lockdowns were over I threw myself back into Jiu Jitsu and lifting.

But everyone is now telling me to rest. I’m really trying, but it’s not enjoyable. Last night I went to the gym and before everyone else got to train, I did some intense conditioning. I felt great. But not physically. Physically I am sore and tired. It was the mental aspect that felt great.

My friend told me I have a compulsion. He should know, he has the same thing. Addicted to the endorphin rush he gets from running long distances, he becomes agitated and frustrated when he can’t put in his daily miles. Rest to him is an itchy, breathless feeling. Like everyone he enjoys putting his feet up after hard training, but not when nothing has been done to earn it.

What a life.