Apparently I wrote this once on boards.ie… must have been drunk cos I don't remember

Someone I know sent me this post that I wrote in reply to a topic on a fitness board. I don’t remember writing it but here it is, and it was on my account so…. enjoy, I suppose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donstavros Looks like you need to start putting on weight…. bulk up on red meat and pints. This can then be easily turned into muscle with a few visits to the gym. Be a man.

I agree with this assesment more than most of the other stuff written on this thread. As an add on, I’d say also come home each evening and eat/drink a litre of whipped cream. For cardio, before you eat the red meat, rub it on yourself and run through a guard dog compound. If one of them catches you, wrestle it until one of you is dead, or gives up, which should be the same thing. Small cars can be used for leg development- you should be able to push a mini at first, and then work on to larger automobiles. The handbrakes should be on, and you DO NOT ask the owners permission first. If they come out complaining, show them your dog bites and pretend to foam at the mouth, then cheese it before the rozzers/animal welfare come. To develop phenomenal arm strength, masturbate furiously- FURIOUSLY- at least 6 times a day, and don’t go swapping arms. One phenomenally developed arm is much better than two average ones. When the other one starts to wither, let it- that’s Darwinism of the body, the strong arm survives.

After that, you will have many concubines.

Personally, I think that’s as good as most of the advice you’ve been given thus far. But in all seriousness, everything you need to get strong is here www.startingstrength.net and there are lots of good ideas for weight loss here http://www.simplefit.org/. Reading this topic will only confuse most people, but I think from reading those two sites you’ll be able to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Is it any wonder I have so many enemies?